Brad says?
?We just didn?t match.? ?We desired different amounts of sex.? ?Sometimes couples are just sexually incompatible.? These are all things that couples say after they have tossed up their hands and given up on sex in their marriage.
With the exception of severe physical complications I do not believe that any couple is actually sexually incompatible. On the other hand I?m not sure that any couple is actually perfectly sexually compatible.
? Philip Date [PhotoXpress]
Relationship Wiring
We?ve all heard the analogies, ?Men are microwaves, women are Crockpot?s? or as I wrote in Sex on the Grill or How To Heat Things Up??Men are steak, women are ribs.? The reality is God designed sexuality differently in each of us, then brought us together and told us to figure it out. This was not by accident, and despite what we might think it was not just to aggravate us.
There Is a Plan in the Design
When you are in the middle of a building it is impossible to see the layout, the design. When you are in the middle of a marriage it is also sometimes difficult to see the design. That is why we have blueprints, schematics that help us to get an elevated perspective.
Take a step back and look at the blueprints of sex and sexuality that God designed for marriage relationships.
The Blueprint of Men
- Men feel most emotionally connected to their wife immediately after sexual intercourse.
- Men are designed to have active sexual desire starting in their late teens and developing into a peak by their mid 20?s. This doesn?t mean that older men have no or even less sexual desire then they did, but it does change as we age.
- Men tend to be stimulated and attracted visually.
- Men?s drive to work, succeed and win can interfere with the time it takes to have a marriage and family
The Blueprint of Women
- Women feel most connected and secure before initiating sex.
- Women typically experience a higher sexual drive later in their life, usually in their mid 30?s.
- Women tend to be sexually attracted by a combination of words and actions that lead to feeling safe, secure, valued and loved.
- Women?s drive for family; seeks to maintain relationships and?often?gives?focus to?the children above the ?marriage?.
Neither of these blueprints works independent of the other. The ?house? would collapse without the support of the other. All couples that are united in marriage are to become one flesh. They are not designed automatically compatible; they are to work toward that goal.
Selfish Desires
Sex is pleasurable. Sex feels good. It is very easy to fall into sexual self focus, ?this is what I want?. Take another look at the original blueprints. We need to marvel at the way we were created to link together. That linking only works when two people are dedicated to rid themselves of selfish desires and work together.
You Complete My Design
At the root of the feeling of sexual incompatibility is the belief that if your sexual needs are not being met the cause of the problem is your spouse. In truth when there is incompatibility it is an indication that change needs to happen!
We were not designed to ?go together? easily. It was the struggle to achieve the ultimate pleasure that is the point. What is fantastic is that this ?ultimate pleasure? really is not the sensation of orgasm. It is the amazing connection that happens when we have filled each others desires in such a complete way that we never knew was possible.
Are you feeling sexually incompatible in your relationship? What do you think the Designer is trying to tell you needs adjusted in your ? of the blueprints?
Have you discovered the ?ultimate pleasure?? How did you achieve it in your marriage?
Source: http://www.onefleshmarriage.com/2012/09/sexually-incompatible.html
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